Turn up

Sometimes it's a relief to be invisible...

I used to work in this place when a Wednesday morning would have a particularly funny vibe. It was noticeably different to all other days because it was eerie- everything took time to become real.

In order to get through the door on a Wednesday morning people had to work hard, many people may not get in for a few weeks, and when people did- no one wanted to breathe, make a noise, move anything or be noticed. As the day went on warmth, life, colour and energy would arrive and things would change. It was pretty amazing to watch this happen.

There are so many times in my life when I have wanted to be part of something but be invisible at the same time. I did not want to make an impression because then someone might have an opinion.

I wasn’t sure of my opinions, I wasn’t ready to hear from someone else.

Going through life in this unreal way, served me well but it has held me back from being all of me.

I wanted to run...

...and I wanted more.

I knew I could be more.

Living with this unsettling feeling, like you’re watching the world and not taking part is the starting point. Turning up to take up some space is when things can start to change.

For many people it doesn’t make sense that dancing has been my way of changing things- but for me it meant I didn’t need to talk, so I could do more.

It may look like confidence, that I’m sociable and lively, but it is my way of taking up some space, in a way that makes me feel good. I can make mistakes and sometimes look like a dick, but embracing my jazz hands has meant I have learnt new ways to respond when putting on my invisibility cloak would just have been easier.

The Shoopery is all about making the unreal a little more real and we know turning up is the hardest part, but when you get there we got your back.

- Catherine